time off
“Sam, you always do what you want!”
said by a beloved former coworker.
That was probably the best compliment I ever got. And I think it’s broadly true.
I’m taking some time off work, indefinitely. Maybe 6 months, maybe more. When I mention this to people, most ask:
What are you going to do?
I don’t have to justify what I’m doing with my life to anyone.
Time I consciously choose is more valuable than obligations I no longer believe in.
Time spent reading in bed, then going for a swim is a thousand times better spent than working at a job I don’t like, for money I don’t need.
In the past two years I have not given myself the proper amount of rest and downtime.
An Achilles rupture made me physically inactive.
A breakup made my soul spiral into a deep abyss.
I took on constant work commitments and did not give myself time to heal and grow.
I worried, constantly and rather needlessly, about finances.
Software jobs and AI made me intellectually lazy and shallow.
I was so consumed by it that other parts of me started to fade.
My vices, faults (including those I harm myself and others with) and limitations became more and more obvious.
I’m anxious.
I’m sleep deprived.
My tank is completely empty.
And I’m not getting any younger.
I haven’t read a book in months.
I haven’t painted.
I haven’t meditated.
I was mesmerized by our shiny new tech.
I built dozens of projects that I genuinely enjoyed crafting and using.
I built educational websites and language learning tools.
Most software engineers these days are excited working at enormous speed, and it’s great.
We want to see what we can do with our machines but we rarely stop to ask what we should be doing in the first place.
I want to live both a more embodied and intellectual life.
So: what are you going to do?
- I’m going to wake up without having a panic attack.
- I will honor my mind and I will read, offline, real books.
- I’m going to honor my body and will train to be in great shape.
- I will honor that I’m a human and I will do random things I want.
This is it.
